This week's panel suggested by:
- Patric Lewandowski
- David Bedno (sort of)
- Anonymous (Jeff Clear?)
- John T.
with additional dialogue by:
Okay, it's hokey as hell, but I like it anyway.
As always, suggestions are listed in the order they were received. Thanks for playing and please join us again next Sunday!
Hey, did anybody else notice when Kitchen Sink press went under? What can i do? I'm' stuck with Just Vol. 3 of ZOT! AAUUGGHH!!
- Dad: Buy you a drink? Carl: Sure, Why not?
- Dad: y'see, the guy who died was really my clone... (Take THAT, Spidey Editors!)
- Dad: I just came by to visit your mom, but, well, y'know...
- Dad: I was your mom's angel, and then I stepped out for a drink, and...
- Dad: I just faked it to avoid paying taxes
- 9-Jack-9 appears out of nowhere... Jack: Is this man troubling you, Carl?
- Dad Pulls out a pistol & zaps carl, shouting "REVERT!"
- Dad: ...But the lied. My blood alcohol content is 1.9, an' I'm still alive!!!
- Pull back to reveal daisy in the scene as well. Daisy: I found him' for you, carl... (a la Truman Show)
- (pointing at carl) Dad: But then, so should you!
Feel free to use any of these suggestions on the panel below last weeks as well, scott...
[May want to post 'em again. I'm not organized enough to compare both lists (also, believe it or not, the process of choosing can take hours, so I'm reluctant to make the process any more complicated than necessary). As for Zot! Volume Four, I feel the same way you do, but we need to make sure that the rights are unencumbered and determine availability of film before we can look for a new publisher so it might take a while. Sorry about that. --Scott]
I'll probably think of more later, but here's a starter...
- (Dad continues): "... but they let me come back to help *you*!" (If you want, we can pull back to see that "Dad" has wings, too.)
- "... but things have been a bit lax ever since Lucifer gave up the key to Hell..." (Apologies to Neil Gaiman.)
- "... but now I've come back-- to HAUNT YOU!" (Dad turns into a horrifying ghoul. That'll make the next panel a real challenge!)
- "...but it was really only for tax purposes." (Apologies to Douglas Adams.)
- "...but death isn't the handicap it used to be!" (We pull back to see that "Dad" has a large 'H' on his forehead. Apologies to Doug Naylor and Rob Grant.)
- Dad: "After everyone had given up, the doctor just said: On the other hand, maybe not."
- Dad: "EVERYONE thought, after I had burst into flames..."
- Dad: "It was all a dream, son."
- Dad: "You know, after Thor had entered, Scott McCloud just killed me for posting these suggestions, but then..."
- Okay, seriously(-: Dad and Carl pass a row of graves: "RIP Dad", "RIP Daisy", "RIP Carl". Carl, concentrating onto Dad, doesn't notice them. Dad: "Did I ever tell you about possibility spaces and time traveling?"
- Dad from behind: We see some wires, electrodes and similar stuff, connecting his neck with several parts of his body. His shirt has a sign: "Made by The Dark Forces". Dad says: "I've come to explain, son... and to bring you back home."
- Carl and Dad in front of the bar. Dad: "The best way to live a free life is to make people think you're dead."
- Carl, starting to sob, takes a handkerchief out of his pocket. Accidentally, he also pulls out his keys, dropping them to the floor. Carl: "Damn!" Dad: "What's the matter, son?" (Just preparation for re-unifying with the thread coming in from above: "I've lost my keys, Dad!")
Uh, Scott, last week you were wondering about the dramatic rise of traffic since June 8th... Maybe it was me. Since I discovered your site, I have been visiting it two or three times a day. You did not say anything about playing Carl and driving. ;-) BTW: When did Sky's age change from 5 to 6? Am I too late for a "Happy birthday"?
[ Sky turned 6 on April 12th and the rise in traffic seems to stem primarily (though not exclusively) from a June 8th plug from cruel.com. (See below!)--Scott]
the june 8th traffic increase was probably a result of a link from www.cruel.com - hey, that's how i found this page!
- carl: well hell, let's go get a beer.
- carl's dad: but for now i'm alive! let's go get a beer.
- both at the same time: yea! let's go get a beer!
- Dad: "... but then, so were you!"
- Carl and Dad sitting at a table. Dad: "... so then the aliens returned my brain, and here I am!" (Optional - Carl: "Wow.")
- Carl: "Dad! Look out!"
M. Robert Turnage
- Carl's dad is a zombie. Carl's dad: "I AM dead!"
- A second Carl's Dad appears! Second Carl's Dad: "Look out, Carl! He's an imposter!"
- Carl's dad offers Carl a drink. "Just drink this. All will be made clear."
I'm probably not the only one who knows this, but it was www.memepool.com that plugged this site...
- The obvious? Carl: Promise me you won't drive and drive, Dad. Dad: I promise.
- Dad: You know, I always thought I would be the one to kill your mother. Carl: DAD!
- Another obvious one-- Carl: So can I have that beer? Dad: Promise me you won't drink and drive, Carl.
- Carl: I can't cope with this insanity! I'm going to kill myself!
- Carl's Dad: I came back from beyond the grave to warn you. Carl: Warn me about what? Dad: I can't remember. I had it written down somewhere.
- Carl's Dad: I just came back from beyond the grave to tell you how disappointed I am in you.
I'm still surprised that *everyone* came up with "I thought you were dead" last week.
- Panel pulls out, reveals dad with wings- continues thought expressed in last panel "...I guess some of us ARE angels all the time."
Douglass Barre (Age 28)
- CARL, ever nonplussed, hits up his dad: "So, anyway, do you have any beer?"
- CARL puts his hand out waiting for money. CARL: "Let's talk back allowance, then, dad..."
- We see Carl's DAD whispering to the audience, a la Shakesperian aside... DAD: "Excellent! He's fallen for it!"
- Hmm, Maybe I will rent a video [carl is parking at xxx video place]
- Carl is inserting dollars into a change machine, getting quaters [wrrrr, clink]
- Carl is standing infront of some viewing booths, scratching head. Carl: What to choose....[the booths are labled midgets, goats, clowns]
- [inside one of the booths] DAD?!
- God I need a drink
- carl's dad: but enough about me. I want to hear about you.
- carl's dad: if you call a gaping chest wound dead then yeah i guess i'm dead.
- carl's dad: but technically you're dead too carl. carl: WHAT?!
- Carl's dad, wearing butt-ugly plaid pants, hip-length boots,and an open shirt sporting gold medallions, says "But let's leave fashion out of it."
- Dad embraces Carl and says "But the important thing is we're together now." After that, he says "Let's get drunk."
- Dad says "But really, I just lost my housekeys here twenty years ago, and I'm still looking."
- Dad says "But this is a comic, remember? Nobody dies forever in a comic."
Anonymous (Jeff Clear?)
- Dad: "But I got over that REAL quick!"
- Dad: "It was LIKE death after my hair-line started to recede..."
- Dad: "But I've always been a firm beliver in good old fashioned voodoo!"
- Carl's Dad could be a vampire! Of course, this seems like taking the easy way out in the story (kind of), but vampires do have the ability to morph into people, animals, or inatimate objects. So carls Dad could be some vampire in "morph-mode"...
- Dad: "I faked my death to protect you from the government..."
[ Oh, yeah. I might've re-lettered it but kinda felt that would be cheating! --Scott]
Everybody who posted won?
Well, in that case, I'd like everyone to go and read my online comics at:
- DAD: "...but in a way, aren't we all dead?"
CARL: confused"Yes, I guess we-- I mean no!"
- DAD: "...but I'm much better now!"
The visual would be of Carl's Dad flexing his muscles or beating his chest to show how healthy he is.
- DAD: "...but that was before scientists put my brain into a robotic body."
Show Carl's dad opening up his chest to reveal mechanical parts or removing his head.
- DAD: "...but in truth, I've been secretly 'The Dread Pirate Scott' for the past five years" ('Dread Scott Pirate' would work too)
Show that Carl's Dad has a peg leg.
- Change of scene (to make both paths work) they are walking down a side-walk.
DAD: "...I did fake my death to cheat on my income taxes..."
- Change of scene to Liqour Store. Carl's father can be seen cleaning the counter with a rag.
DAD: "And that's why I've been working in a liqour store all of this time!"
CARL: "Oh." or "That makes sense." ("Oh" works better because it's less wordy)
- DAD: "...I did fake my death so I could follow my dream of being a liquor storekeeper! Let me take you there!"
- DAD: "...but enough about me. How have you been for the last few years?"
- Winter's or Sky's suggestion. You have really cute kids!
- DAD: "..but ENOUGH talk! LET'S FIGHT!"
CARL: "Oh, so that's how you like your eggs scrambled, is it?!" (or some other nifty catch-phrase)
I love your page! I don't understand why there aren't more comic artists with websites. I would think that every cartoonist would have a website, since the creative process that goes into html is so similar to comic design. It feels that way to me, anyway. I think I'll do a 24 hour comic one day this summer. I need the time first, though.
Pretty much all of these should have them strolling down the street, ready for the liquor store in the next panel.
- "Dad" says: Actually, I'm one of a number of clones of your real father.
- Dad is lecturing, "...so the CIA figured it was easier to have people think I was dead...".
- Dad: "That wasn't me, that was my stunt double."
- Carl, hysterically: "But the volcano? The tiger? The piranha?" Dad, calmly: "ILM. They do good work."
- Dad: "Actually that was my first step to discovering my mutant super-powers."
- Dad: "...but there's 'dead' and there's 'really dead'".
- With a nod to Douglas Adams, "...but that was only to get the IRS to stop bothering me."
- Dad: "...but being an undead demon really isn't as bad as people think it is." At this point Dad looks, well, hungry...
And if I win? Well, you might want to check out http://www.lavaysmith.com. Good swing is good to find.
- Dad: "Being dead runs in our family, Carl."
- Dad: "but the bar is an equal opportunity employer."
- Dad: "but it never stopped Bob Hope, did it?"
I loved the Inventions sight! This is the firs time in months I didn't go straight to Carl. You're twenty four hour comic is fascinating. As an erstwhile playwrite myself it has planted the seed to write a full legnth play in twenty four hours. 'll let you know if I get the guts.
- Similar panel: DAD: " I was living in New Jersey." (I was born and raised in the Garden State and feel qualified to take a playful swipe at it.)
Since I have won one or two of these panel thingies, I would like to take a Bednoian stance and plug the website of my favorite band Moxy Fruvous. They are at www.fruvous.com. They were sold to me as Canada's answer to They Might Be Giants, but I find them a non-comercial Barnaked Ladies. Oh, there should be an umlaut over the first "u" in the name Fruvous, but I never did figure out how to do that with e-mail, and neither did their web creator since it's not in fruvous in the address. One of life's little quirks...
[Moxy Früvous (did that work?) is a fantastic band, somewhat better than Barenaked Ladies and often as good as They Might Be Giants. I can enthusiastically second Morgan's recommendation. All comics fans MUST own their album "Bargainville" at least for it's psychotic rendition of the Spider-Man cartoon theme song. Nat Gertler, who can be found elsewhere on this page is one of their biggest boosters and first introduced me and many others to their music.--Scott]
- Hey! --aren't you supposed to be dead too?!?
- "Dad" rips mask off, saying threateningly, "Since I'm not REALLY you father!"
- Dad lifts up shirt to reveal he is now entirely mechanical and says (in continuation of the last panel) "...but it's amazing what they can do with bionics these days!"
- Dad shrugs and says, "Dead, in prison, what's the difference?"
- Dad says, "But enough of that! Let's get plastered, son!" as he pulls out a whiskey flask.
- dad asks, "how's mom doind?" carl is torn.
- dad says, "and 'technically' son, you look like you need a beer." carl accepts beverage.
- carl cries, "'technically!?!' how can you be so blase!?! this is DEATH we're talking about!!!" appropiot accent on the "e" in "blase"
- dad says, "carl... i see two of you!" is it carl's double? or is pop just drunk. you decide.
(A first for me)
- Carl: "Man, I really need a beer now! GULP!"
- Dad: "All the booze conserved me. Here, have some!"
- Dad: "And so will you be for killing my wife!" Dad hits Carl on the head. Carl gets dizzy.
- Dad: "Come to my bar!" Drags Carl along.
Well, I figure the Big Honkin' List plus Everybody Wins Day adds up to a legitimate plug opportunity. Come see my new web comic strip, Absurd Notions, at http://cerulean.st/absurdnotions/ ...because we all know what would happen otherwise!*
- Dad looks serious: "In fact, do yourself a favor, son. If anyone asks, you never saw me here today. Understand?"
- Dad: "...but that's not important right now. Can I get you something to drink?"
*That's right. Armageddon. Do you want that on your head? Read the comic, for all our sakes.
- Dad: "I've been hiding out in liquor stores and bars all this time."
- Dad: "It was for tax purposes. That's why I now sell alcohol."
- Dad: "April Fools!" Carl: "It's not April."
You probably heard this already, but you were featured as a "Cruel Site of the Day" (http://www.cruel.com/) on June 8th, hence the traffic surge. That's how I discovered this place... Technically dead?
- CAPTION: 20 MINUTES LATER Dad: "...and so, you see, I'm very much alive." Carl: "Wow! What an incredible story!"
- Dad: [evil gleam in eye] "...but when you've got Satan on your side, anything's possible!" Carl: [registering horror] [gasp!]
- Carl: "Technically?! I hit you with the car! Er- I mean..." Dad: What?
- Dad: "...Technically, I'm more machine than man. But I'm still your father, Carl!"
I've recently read Understanding Comics - an outsanding tome by the way, and found the web site address. Love the comic strips, especially the one on Chess obsession (which I can sympathise). There's a calm Zen (i.e. simple but deep)like quality I just love, plus it uses the visual medium of the web to great effect. Sorry, I sound as if I'm gushing and trying desperately to sound coherrent. Which brings me to the suggestions for Carl...
- You see I died a long time ago, but thanks to this time machine...
- I faked my own death to escape your nagging mother...
- I'm a ghost sent here to...
Hey, what's wrong with "I thought you were dead"? ;) Oh, and you've GOT to use one of Sky's or Winter's suggestions sometime. A little chaos might do us some good.
- Dad: "You see, Carl, it all started back around the summer of '63..."
- Dad: "But a Jedi's spirit always lives on." (You see, I thought since we can make references to Microsoft and Groundhog's Day, Star Wars might be appropriate because the new movie's out and... and... ...I think I'll shut up now.)
- Dad: "But just before my death, I was cloned" (also acceptable: Just before my death, time travelers grabbed me, saving me from the cruel hand fate dealt me)
- Dad: "But you know what they say..."
- Dad: "But it'll take more than a little thing like death to keep me from seeing my son on the anniversary of his barmitsfah(sp)!" ("on his birthday" would be okay, too, I suppose...)
- Dad: "--But now I'm back!"
- Carl: "How could you have escaped my deathtrap? It was perfect!" (I still can't let this one go...)
- Dad: "...In THIS reality, at any rate."
- Dad: "I suppose it all depends on your definition of DEAD."
- Dad whips out a gun, points it at Carl, and says, "But not as dead as you're gonna be!" (Possibly add: "I've waited fifteen years for this moment!")
Maybe you aren't the one to ask about this, but Ivy was mentioned, so I thought I'd give it a shot... I was recently re-reading MARVELS, and I noticed some interesting print on a newspaper towards the end of book three. (It's the paper underneath the issue of the Bugle where Jameson says Galactus was a hoax, pointing out the giant letter "G" on his belt as partial proof. Don't you love how Kurt writes those newspaper articles in there? One of my favorites is in book four of MARVELS under the death of Norman Osborn headline... An then of course there's the cover to one of the Untold Tales of Spider-man... But I digress.) Some of the text reads "Elsewhere in the news, we just thought we'd say that Larry Marder is God. Just in case Ivy McCloud notices, or anybody else for that matter." It goes on further, but I just wanted to ask (at the risk of looking stupid in case he's someone real famous)... Who's Larry Marder? And what's the connection to your wife? Oh, and one more question: Is it true you're working on another book (I heard it was called "Reinventing Comics")? I hope so. Your first book was amazing. If not, what ARE you working on? (Besides this site, of course.) Anyway, I think I've overstayed my welcome, so I think I'll go check out the inventions.
[Michael wrote back almost immediately after this post to tell me that he found the Larry Marder link in the Creator's Bill of Rights area of the new "Inventions" section. As for the Marvel's mention, I think my old pal Kurt was assuming that Ivy would get around to reading it sooner than I would. The funny part is, the lettering was so damned small neither one of us caught it until Michael pointed it out! As for my next book, Reinventing Comics is indeed the title and it'll be out in early '00. --Scott]
Ah, I have but one suggestion. It's rather predicatble...
- Carl's Dad says, "But you can relate to that, eh Carl?" Carl is shocked by the comment.
See? Told you it was predictable.
Well, the first one is the obvious one.
- Dad, sprouting wings. "...I guess I *am* an angel all of the time."
- "But I was only *legally* dead. It's like being legally blind, where you still can see some things."
- "...you'd be considered a moron. If I'm dead, how could I be here?"
- "But enough about such morbid topics! Let's go bowling!"
- "...I died twelve months before you were born."
- The devil appears, threatening Dad with a pitchfork. "So you thought you could escape!" says the Prince of Darkness.
- "...if having a tombstone makes you dead. Try making one for yourself, and see if you die!"
- Suddenly, Thor bursts into flames.
--Nat Gertler is nominated for the Eisner for Talent Deserving Wider Recognition. You've never heard of him? That proves he deserves it!
- Dad says, "But I've never been a technical person, sooo . . . "
- Dad says, "Forget technicalities. LET'S GET DRUNK!"
- Carl says, "ah, I was never one for technology." Dad just shakes his head.
- Dad says, "But aren't you supposed to be dead too?" Carl says, "Oh yeah."
- Dad says, "But let's not worry about that. Let's bond" Carl says, "Ok. . . Dad." And they walk to the car with Carl flipping the keys around in his hand.
- Carl's Dad (holding up washing powder style box with RESURRECT on the front of it) says : "But with new 'Resurrect' (tm)..."
- Carl's Dad : But it's so damn boring...
- Carl : You guess? How hard can it be to know whether or not you're dead?!
- Carl's Dad : But TECHNICALLY, I'm also JFK and Jimmy Hoffa...
- Let's catch up on old times over a drink.
- dad: But like I said you can't be an angel ALL the time. (maybe wings pop out from his back)
- dad:"but it's hard to say...I was pretty drunk at the time."
- dad:"...I STILL AM!", turns into a zombie
- carl: "did you bring beer?"
- Dad: "I hope this funeral isn't BYOB".
Man, Inventions is pretty keen.
- This is to keep with the symmetry: Carl's Dad, drinking a beer-"This kind of converstation is better said DRUNK!" A bit predictable, but what the heck.
Scott, the people have spoken! I NAILED it, and now you have proof, man! Look at the suggestions for last week! It is now a world-renowned fact: I nailed it. I nailed it like a carpenter would nail a nail into a peice of nailing wood, look up "nailed it" in the dictionary and you'll see my triumphant nailing face, and though I NAILED it, I was SCREWED over by the judges until now, that is if you choose to open your eyes to the blinding truth. So what if you draw nice story-pictures, this will not save you from your task of righting what is wrong. I hope to see my name next to the other "nailers" on that sacred list faster than you can say "Jack Robinson". On other news, how about that jerk spilling the beans on Eyes Wide Shut! Makes me shiver.
[You nailed it, Jesse. --Scott]
- Dad: So what do you want to drink?
- Dad: It was all that drinking and driving...
[Umm... Wow... I hope things look up soon, Thom. We've all been there. --Scott]
[Shouldn't we all... --Scott]
Huzzah! I have won yet again! And this time I don't have to share the spotlight with anyone...except...everyone...else... Dang.
- Dad: "But the men in our family tend to linger long after their time is up."
- Dad, chuckling: "But then again, so are you!"
Geez, this week is hard. And it's all my fault!
[Hmm... Would I have to print it up and distribute it to local bus stops? --Scott]
- Carl's Dad: Let's go somewhere else. I can't talk here or else "they" might find me.
- Just one - Carl's dad meets some horrible tragedy - getting hit by a car, let's say. Paving the way, I suppose, for an exact repeat of the previous panel next week, fitting in both continuities. Just a thought.
The Late Budie Holie
- Dad:"I been living with the grateful dead."
- Dad:"I've come back to warn you about something..."
- Carl:"I don't believe in anything anymore!!!"
- Lover:"Honey, come back down here."
- Carl:"Have you seen my keys?"